![]() vol. 16 no. 4 - July 2000The U.S.S. Alaric is a North Carolina chapter of STARFLEET, the International Star Trek Fan Association. Starfleet and the Alaric recognize Paramount’s sole ownership of all Star Trek copyrights. Annual individual member dues to the international club are $15.00 per year.
The views expressed in the Carolina Communicator do not necessarily reflect those of the staff, or all of the members of the Alaric. The Universe Is Not Enough, teaser:
"We have received a coded message, Commander," the communications officer of the Imperial Romulan Starship Onatop reported.
"Decode it and give it to me," Sub-Commander Stron said. It was a message from the Tal Shiar, and as the ship's intelligence officer it was his duty to report it to the commander.
"Commander," Stron said, offering the electronic decoder board to his boss, "an urgent message."
"Read it to me," Commander S'Pectre replied, not looking away from the bridge viewscreen. The I.R.S. Onatop had the boring duty of patrolling the Neutral Zone, and S'Pectre was, well, bored.
"Very well, sir. 'The United Federation of Planets has assembled a secret Starfleet task force under the command of Admiral Thunderbarre. Admiral Thunder-'"
"-bar," S'Pectre interrupted.
"Sir?"
"You pronounced it, 'Thunderberrie'. The second e is silent. His name is pronounced, 'Thunderbar'. Let's say he and I have 'met'. He's a formidable opponent."
"Yes sir. 'Admiral Thunderbarre's armada is tasked with finding and destroying a renegade Borg Ferengi gangster named Latinumfinger. This evil Ferengi villain has developed a weapon capable of great destruction. Your orders are to proceed to the Tri Kappa Delta sector then monitor, under cloak, the impending battle and gather all pertinent data on this Moonphaser superweapon.'"
S'Pectre chuckled. This could turn out to be an exciting cruise after all. "Set course for the Tri Kappa Delta sector, maximum speed."
(Title song, sung to the tune of "Thunderball")
He always beams while others walk.
He knows the profit in success.
Any woman he wants, he'll buy.
"Captain's Log, Stardate 200005.15, Fleet Captain Richard Heim reporting. In the midst of our preparations for a battle that will determine the future of the universe, my First Officer and good friend, Commander Krell, sabotaged the Alaric's systems and took off for parts unknown. Probably to close on a sweet business deal -- he's a Ferengi, after all -- but this is the worst possible time for it. I don't know how he managed to elude the tracking systems of the other ships in this task force, but he is my CompOps Chief, too. I'm more worried about what Admiral Thunderbarre is going to do. Undoubtedly, there's going to be hell to pay."
* * * The admiral was furious. "He's a spy!," he bellowed. "Latinumfinger must know every detail of our plans by now! I want this Krell of yours caught and hung by his Ferengi ears!"
I felt like I was walking on eggs. An admiral in this emotional state could easily take anything anyone said as a personal attack.
"Sir," I replied, "I think our operation is still secure. I don't believe Commander Krell is an enemy spy. He's a Ferengi, and profit is his motive. I believe he has taken off on a mission completely unrelated to this Latinumfinger business. The Alaric's systems were back up as soon as he made his escape; Krell's programs did absolutely no long-term damage."
Thunderbarre grunted, unconvinced.
"If Krell were a spy," I said, "wouldn't it make more sense for him to continue his masquerade and gather more intel instead of giving himself away?"
Thunderbarre grunted again, a compassionate conservative grunt. I think I was getting through.
"Sir?" It was one of the admiral's staff officers. "The fleet is almost ready to move. All we're waiting for now are the exact coordinates for our destination."
Thunderbarre nodded. "You," he said, thrusting his face at me, "are dismissed."
I got off easier than I thought. Thunderbarre obviously had more important things on his mind. Anyway, it's only a matter of time before one of our agents makes headway and gets us the intel we need.
"Personal Log, Stardate 200005.21, James T. Bond reporting. I've
* * *
The ship was spacious and equipped with every luxury. Floating food dispensers that hovered at your command, cushioned seats with headrests you could program to caress ears of any size, a bar which served any drink in the galaxy (manned by a Ferengi bartender, of course), and girls galore who satisfied your every whim. A particularly attractive one named Fiona was pampering me.
"Fiona, my dear," I said, admiring her transparent blouse, "that's a rather nice nothing you're wearing. Are there many clothing markets where we're going? I'd like to take you shopping when we get to Auria."
"My sweet Greenie," she cooed, "the Central Emporium carries clothes from all over the galaxy! Auria has everything we could possibly want!"
"Tell me about the planet, my love."
"Well," Fiona started, "it's owned and run by Mister Latinumfinger, the richest man in the galaxy, and that should tell you something. He has this gigantic palace we all live in, and he provides us with a generous allowance."
"And he owns all of the stores you spend your money in, right?"
"But of course, silly! And there's this beautiful moon at night, so huge, and yellow when it reflects the sun's light just right. It's called Argentum."
"Are there any other planets in the solar system?"
"Yes. There are five planets in the system. Auria's the third planet. The first one is called Hermes and it's too hot to live on because its orbit is so close to the sun. The second planet is called Phallus, the fourth one Butterfinger (I think he named it after a distant cousin), and the fifth planet is Yabutt. Mister Latinumfinger let some scientist geek experiment with Yabutt, and now it's shaped like a cube. It's got some weird weather, I tell you!"
A cubeworld. Cute. I knew I'd win her over with my fiscal charm.
"Captain's Log, Stardate 200006.14, Fleet Captain Richard Heim reporting. Secret agent James T. Bond came through! We have the coordinates of Latinumfinger's secret base on planet Auria. Admiral Thunderbarre has given the orders to the armada: we have set course for our rendezvous with destiny!"
It really was a "hoods' convention"! Criminal masterminds from all over the quadrant filled the massive conference room of Latinumfinger's palace. One guy in particular, an N.H. Solo, was pacing the room, angrily puffing on a smoldering ganga weed. He was creating so much smoke that it felt like he was gassing us. The rest of Latinumfinger's distinguished guests were imbibing liberally of the drinks generously provided by the abundant Ferengi bartenders. I, of course, had swallowed the mandatory Starfleet alcohol neutralizer pill beforehand at a convenient moment.
The lights suddenly dimmed. "Gentlemen," Latinumfinger said, glowing slightly with a yellow tint as he walked into the room, "welcome to Auric Castle!" Some grand entrance, I thought! "Let's get down to business, shall we?"
A grumble rippled through the crowd. "Latinumfinger!," Solo shouted, "I'll consider joining your syndicate, but not if West Sector and the Nu Yoark Gang are involved!"
"And I didn't count on dealing with Shikago!," another roared.
"Mister Solo!," the Ferengi master criminal chuckled. "Mister Satrap! I'm sure we can work out our differences. After all, is not every one of us interested in the same thing? Expanding our profit?"
There was general agreement to that objective.
"Mister Satrap here controls the drug trade of 25 planetary systems in the East Sector," Latinumfinger noted. "Mister Solo is a master of terrorism and extortion at his end of the quadrant. And Mister Midnaught over there runs a shipping company that will move anything to anywhere in the quadrant, no questions asked. All of you here run very lucrative enterprises on your own. But I offer you more wealth than you can possibly imagine! Gentlemen, if you join me, then the entire universe will be ours for the taking!"
"Oh?," Solo demanded. "Just how will you manage that?"
Latinumfinger snapped his fingers, and a hovering control panel materialized in the air in front of him. He fiddled with some dials and buttons. A center section of the floor opened up and a platform rose to well above eye level. On the platform was a planetary surface in miniature, and at the top of a mountain on the planetary surface sat a small device that looked like an adjustable gun barrel, pointing straight up.
"This, my comrades, is the weapon that will bring us unlimited wealth! Allow me to introduce to you the Moonphaser!" Latinumfinger gestured majestically with his arms. "This is a model, of course, but the real Moonphaser is perched atop an extinct volcano on my moon, Argentum. The weapon is a revolutionary interspatial phasing mechanism powered by the moon's geothermal energy and natural radioactivity. During the daytime it's power source is augmented by solar energy. With this device, we can dominate this universe and open up other universes to our commercial conquest!"
The room echoed with ooh's and ah's. The crowd was beginning to like this, I could tell. But one loner -- guess who? -- Solo! -- mumbled, "This is a great offer, Latinumfinger. But how do I know I can trust the others?"
The Ferengi mastermind grinned widely. "Because, my dear Mister Solo, I will be orchestrating every move of the Syndicate. For you see," he added, again touching the panel hovering in front of him, "all of you will be drones in the Collective under my direct control!"
With that, a mesmerizing light began pulsating from the Moonphaser model, instantly paralyzing the crowd. All except me, of course. Captain Scott had anticipated something like this and had provided me with a pair of antimesmotic eye lenses.
"My sole purpose in life," the mesmerized crowd was mumbling in unison, "is to bring profit to my companions. All that is asked of me I will perform. It is an honor to offer my empire to the service of Latinumfinger." The bartenders were rapidly moving amongst the gangsters, pressing something against their necks. Must be Borg implants! This clearly was the time for me to take my rat for a walk. I reached into my pouch, which I had conveniently cloaked within a holo-invisibility screen, and pulled out the mouse, tossed it at the wall immediately behind me. I leaped through the mouse-generated window into the room on the other side, to the shouts of "Stop him!" Now, what was it Scotty had said? Oh yes, press the delete button on the wall next to the window to close it, and the mouse will materialize on the floor beside you. I picked it up then tossed the mouse back on the floor, and dropped through the floor window into a secret basement passageway.
They would be searching for an Orion Slave Trader, so I knew I had to change my holo-disguise. I ducked into a phone booth and chose the best persona for the situation: a Ferengi lackey.
"Chief Quartermaster's Log, Stardate 200006.27, Captain Janice Self recording. We are proceeding at high warp to engage Latinumfinger in what I'm sure will be a fierce battle. Meanwhile, I'm pursuing a hunch of my own. Ever since our Vulcan agent sent a coded message via the ship's manifest (she probably figured the regular communications channels would be compromised, so she redirected her message to the manifest -- a brilliant idea!), I've been going over the manifest with a fine tooth comb. I've discovered something that just doesn't jive, and I'm proceeding to investigate."
The basement passageway of Auric Castle was dimly lit and had many twists and turns. It was generally empty, at least the section I was traversing . . . except for a couple bodies laying on the floor up ahead. They were Ferengi guards, one unconscious and the other groggy, just beginning to wake up. Apparently stunned. Suddenly I didn't feel very alone.
As I rounded a corner, someone jumped at me from out of the shadows. We rolled on the floor, he tried to press something -- a hypospray or paralysis disk -- against my neck. (Fortunately he hadn't used a phaser on stun setting!) With my bionically-enhanced strength, it was easy to keep his arms at bay. Then I realized I was struggling with a disguised Doctor Julian Bashir (I recognized him from the DS9 episode, "Our Man Bashir"). I wanted to tell him we were on the same side, but I didn't dare give myself away! But it was too late, for him, anyway. We both looked up and found ourselves staring into the barrels of Ferengi disrupters.
It was actually a good turn of events. The Ferengi guards took us straight to Latinumfinger, saving me the work of looking for his master control room. They threw Bashir onto a hard slab of latinum and latched him there, face up, spreadeagled, wrists and ankles securely fastened with gold bracelets. Latinumfinger stood nearby, arms crossed, studying his prize. Then he said, "You're an awfully small hu-mon for a spy."
"Don't let my size fool you," Bashir said.
"Oh, you've caused me a few strips of trouble, I'll give you that," Latinumfinger responded. He nodded to a couple nearby Ferengi, who started moving a piece of equipment toward the good doctor. "But it's time you cashed in your chips."
Bashir squirmed. "Bashir," he said, "Julian. Doctor. Serial number --- "
"--- Oh, don't bother with the dramatics," Latinumfinger interrupted. "Soon I'll know everything about you."
The two Ferengi I stumbled across in the corridor staggered into the room. One pointed a finger at Bashir and mumbled, "He's the one!" The other added, "He's the spy who stunned me!"
"Consider them gifts," Bashir sneered. "From Starfleet, with love."
Latinumfinger looked at Bashir with cold, steely eyes, his voice deadly serious. "You only stun twice, Doctor Bashir." Then he paused, turned his head as if listening to something. "Long-range scanners have detected an armada of ships approaching. I know their every move, every plan of your Admiral Thun-der-barre. Your fleet," he chuckled, moving to a bank of monitors, "will be destroyed."
The room was large, with several rows of monitors and control banks. Many of the monitors flashed stock reports, market analyses, business digests. Others showed tactical displays, political summaries, anything that would prove valuable to turning a business profit. All of the monitors were tied in to a central processing unit of some kind which definitely looked Borg. There were two Ferengi manning the controls, plus a rather large husky-looking Ferengi standing nearby, in addition to Latinumfinger and the two victims of Doctor Bashir.
Latinumfinger activated a large wall screen. It showed a massive starfield with a fleet of ships slowly growing in size.... must have been an ultra long-range scanner, or Borg-enhanced technology. "It'll be a massacre!," he said. "You can watch the battle right here on this monitor, Doctor Bashir. It'll be your own personal viewscreen to a kill!"
Bashir struggled in vain against his bonds. "You're quite insane!," he cried.
Latinumfinger stuck his face centimeters above Bashir's. "Whoever survives the battle," he said in mock sorrow, "will be assimilated."
"No!," Bashir barked. "You don't have a license to assimilate anyone!"
"Oh, but I do. For example, YOU will be assimilated." He paused, then added gleefully, "And it'll cost you!" Then he stood up, straightened his tunic, and headed toward a transtator chamber. "I'll be leading the attack on your fleet from my very own supercruiser, the Latinum Assimilator. I leave you in the able hands of my servant, Oddjaw. You two," he said, motioning to Bashir's former victims, "with me. I have a battle to win!" He set the controls and they beamed out in a wavering green shimmer.
Oddjaw, the husky Ferengi, moved out of the shadows and studied Bashir. That's when I noticed his ears. The edges were razor-sharp and glinted in the light. "Watsamatter," the doctor said, "haven't you ever seen a secret agent before?" Oddjaw grunted, a crooked grin on his face.
If I was ever going to attempt a rescue, now was the time. I activated a holo-clip to create a diversion. Suddenly there was shouting in the corridor. "This is Starfleet! You're surrounded! Come out with your ears up!" Oddjaw moved toward the doorway. I pulled out my pen computer, slipped a blue cap on it. Aimed at one of the Ferengi at the consoles, stunned him. Aimed it at the other. Two down. Then I swung around toward the doorway, caught a glimpse of a head flash in front of me. I looked down at my hand. Yep, still there, but only a stubble remained of my pen computer... it was sliced clean through!
Oddjaw was close, moving faster than I'd have thought possible. I grabbed him by the waist, fell backwards and kicked him up and over.
We were both up on our feet at the same time, circled each other. He came at me again. I grabbed his nose with one hand to keep those sharp ears at bay, laid a triple punch on him with the other. No effect --- what's this guy made of! He tossed me against the wall like a rubber ball.
I was quickly back on my feet. We circled again, he wearing that crooked sardonic grin. I was too close to use the paralysis grenades. If only I had a gold brick to throw at him. Wait! There WAS a weapon I could throw at him!
I reached into my tunic, pulled out the windows mouse, waved it threateningly at him. Oddjaw hesitated, a look of worry creasing his face, but only for a moment. The next instant that crooked grin returned. And I tossed the mouse at his feet.
He couldn't fight the laws of physics. A window opened up directly beneath him and his husky bulk fell, landing with a dull thud on the floor of the chamber below. I peered down at his unconscious form through the open floor window. "That's one small step for a Ferengi," I whispered, "a giant leap for mankind."
"Chief Quartermaster's Log, Stardate 200006.30, Captain Janice Self recording. As the Alaric's chief quartermaster, it's my responsibility to ensure that all ship's stores are known and accounted for. The irregularity in the ship's manifest has led me to Cargo Bay One, to a specific crate labeled, 'Octotribble'. Nobody aboard this ship requested it. I know what a tribble is, but what in blue blazes is an octotribble? I have a bad feeling about this."
* * *
The room was empty, other than rows of neatly stacked crates, boxes, and drums full of supplies. I found the crate in question... it was empty. No indication of who sent it, or why. I scanned it. Tricorder readings detected the faint traces of tribble fur, but it wasn't ordinary tribble fur. It had been genetically altered, somehow.
The fur trail led to the ship's air ducts, not a good sign. I widened the tricorder beam, got a reading. Whatever it was was heading toward the main computer control room. This was definitely not good.
My heart was racing already, when suddenly the ship's klaxon blared. "Red Alert!," the ship's com system cackled. "All hands to battle stations!"
I pressed my insignia communicator. "Intruder Alert!," I said. "Security to Computer Control!" With that, I took off down the corridor at a run.
Doctor Bashir and I stared in horror as the wall monitor showed Latinumfinger's fleet tearing into Admiral Thunderbarre's armada. The battle was fierce, with ships on both sides exploding in flames. But, as good as they were, the enhancements by Section 31 were no match for Latinumfinger's Borg-enhanced weaponry.
I unfastened the last bracelet and freed Bashir. "I've got to save the fleet," I said, running to a control bank. "But without my PC, it'll take me hours to figure out how to operate these controls!"
"Perhaps this will help," Bashir said, pulling a small metal box from a hidden pocket. I immediately recognized it as a felix lighter. "This little device has 82 different functions."
"Eighty-three," I said, forming a chorus with him, "if you want to light a ganga weed!"
Bashir pressed a toggle on the lighter and a computer interface popped out. He attached it to the control bank, and after a few moments said, "There's nothing in this facility that we can use to affect the tide of battle. All we can do is put a dent in his commercial operations if we destroy this node, like cutting off an input stream." He paused. "We've got even bigger problems. Latinumfinger is powering up the Moonphaser for a full power burst."
I looked at the transtator chamber. "Can that get me to Argentum?"
Bashir checked the lighter computer. "It's like a powerful interplanetary transporter, bigger than anything I've ever seen."
"Set the controls," I said. "I've got to knock out that Moonphaser." I handed him a couple red spheres. "Imploder bombs," I said, answering his inquiring look. "Set the timer, here. Use them to blow this base." I handed him a set of keys. "They open locker delta-9 on purple level upstairs. Inside you'll find a suitcase. Enter code 1138 on the handle lock. It'll--"
"--yeah," he said, "Little Nellie. Thanks! Here, take 'felix'. I have a feeling you're going to need him!"
Then I stepped into the transtator chamber. "I've got an appointment to keep."
"Captain's Log, Stardate 200007.01, Fleet Captain Richard Heim recording. The Alaric has taken a terrific pounding from Latinumfinger's ships in just the first five minutes of this battle. But the quadruple shielding has held, and we've given as good as we got. Now I must act on new orders from Admiral Thunderbarre. I'm breaking the ship away from the fleet to attack Latinumfinger's moon, Argentum. We must stop the Moonphaser from firing, at all costs."
* * *
"Two minutes to target," Lieutenant Leiter, my navigation officer, said. "We're being pursued, Captain. A ship from the enemy fleet has broken off from the battle and will overtake us in 30 seconds."
"Never mind the ship behind us," Commander Bolick at weapons said, "we've got three more comin' at us from the moon!"
"Stand by the holographic camouflage generator," I ordered. "Are the thermo-shuttles ready for launch?"
"Aye, Cap'n," Commander Bolick answered.
"Launch the shuttles and initiate operation grand slam." It was a simple plan, really: divide and conquer. Each shuttle was equipped with a thermostellar device. By using the Alaric's holographic camouflage generator, we make the shuttles appear as more powerful ships. The enemy engages the shuttles one on one, effectively taking the heat off the Alaric. When they fire on a shuttle, they trigger a thermostellar explosion, taking out both the shuttle... and themselves.
The Alaric lurched under an attack from our pursuer. "Return fire!," I yelled.
"Firing phasers," Commander Bolick responded. Then he looked at me with worry etching his face. "Sir! Photon torpedoes just went offline!"
"Life support just went on stand by!," Lieutenant Kisch added. "I'm getting additional malfunctions -- we've just lost quadruple shielding! We're down to normal shields now, Captain!"
The Alaric shook again. That blast had targeted the lower decks.
"Engineering to Bridge! The electrofragmentizer's been fractured and is leaking radiation! The conductors are shattered! Energizers are approaching critical!" That spelled trouble.
"Chief Quartermaster's Log, Stardate 200007.02, Captain Janice Self reporting. A security team had just arrived at Computer Control by the time I got there."
* * *
"Krupov, left," Lieutenant Wu ordered, crouching in front of the door, his weapon drawn, "Snyder, right! We go in on three! One! Two! Three!"
The door to Computer Control swooshed open and we entered. We found crewmen strewn about, unconscious on the floor. And at the primary console was a hideous creature, covered in fur. It looked like a tribble but was so much more! Eight tentacles stretched out from the tiny body, simultaneously thrashing at the computer controls. The octotribble! At least we had found the source of our computer malfunctions.
It paused and seemed to look up. Then it growled, or rather it sounded more like an evil tribble purr. Wu, Krupov, and Snyder aimed their phasers and fired. Stun setting had no effect.
"Phasers on maximum!," Wu ordered. They fired again. They managed to singe a few hairs before the octotribble scrambled back into the air duct. For a little creature with eight huge tentacles flailing from its body, it moved awfully fast.
"Craziest thing I've ever seen!," Wu said, shaking his head. "A phaser resistant tribble monster."
"There may be one thing that can stop it," I noted, "a Model Two Glommer." I took a tricorder reading. "It's headed towards Engineering."
And so were we.
"Personal Log, Stardate 200007.03, James T. Bond reporting. The transtator beamed me to a chamber deep inside the extinct volcano housing the Moonphaser. Latinumfinger's base on Argentum is just as lavish as Auric Castle back on Auria. Lotsa bars with Ferengi bartenders, meagerly clothed women from many races. But there is one difference... lotsa armed guards. I've got one thing going for me... they think I'm one of them!"
* * *
I found a nearby Borg regeneration chamber, entered it, as far as everyone else knew, for regeneration. Found the computer interface and, with felix, generated an instant floor plan! Master control room, two levels up, five doors down. Now all I needed to find was the nearest railcar.
Getting to the master control room was easy, but getting in was another story. As I walked down the long corridor leading to the heavily guarded doors, I noticed an eagle on a perch near the high arching ceiling. It was studying me as I approached. Suddenly, it let out a squawk and dived toward me. I leaped behind a column as Ferengi guards pointed their weapons and fired. With the technology of Section 31 we could confound Latinumfinger's Borg security systems, but we couldn't fool mother nature!
I attached a blue sphere to a launcher, fired it at the guards. The paralysis grenade bowled them over like kingpins, but more guards kept coming.
Frontal assault wasn't working. A classic retreat was in order here. I generated a smoke screen and oil slick with my holo clips, and ran!
"Captain's Log, Stardate 200007.03, Fleet Captain Richard Heim recording. Having recaptured Computer Control, ship's systems are coming back online. The undamaged ones, that is. We've taken out the ships in the immediate vicinity. Now all we have to face are the planetary defenses of the Moonphaser base."
* * *
"I'm picking up communications, Captain," Lieutenant Osato said. "It's between Latinumfinger and Admiral Thunderbarre."
"On screen," I said. The ship's main viewscreen showed a split image. On the left was the smoking bridge of Thunderbarre's Disco Volante. On the right was the gloating image of Latinumfinger.
"Resistance is futile!," the Ferengi criminal mocked. "Surrender now and I'll let you and your crew live. You'll be drones in my collective, of course, but at least you'll still be alive. Join me, and together we can rule the stock markets of the galaxy!"
"Never!" Thunderbarre bellowed in response.
"My dear Admiral Thunderbarre," Latinumfinger said, his voice dripping in fake pity, "your fleet is lost, your ships will not survive. There is no escape. Your pathetic armada will die... as will you."
Thunderbarre's bloodied face stared back. "Never give up!," he gasped in pain, clutching his side. "Never surrender!"
"So be it," Latinumfinger replied in an icy tone, "Admiral. Your feeble Federation is no match for the power of profit. Now you pay the price for your lack of vision!"
At that moment, Latinumfinger grabbed his head and cried out in pain, or maybe it was confusion. His fleet seemed paralyzed, for just a moment.
"Sensors are detecting the arrival of another fleet of ships, Captain," Osato reported. "A lot of 'em. They're Ferengi, sir." More enemy ships? "And they're sending a message."
As the new image took form on the main viewscreen gasps of surprise sounded from around the bridge: there was Krell, standing on the bridge of the lead Ferengi ship! Seated next to him in the captain's seat was a Ferengi female wearing a pair of over-sized, old fashioned eyeglasses.
Leaning forward to leer into the display monitor, Krell grinned a most terrible grin. "I hate to break up your little monopoly, Latinumfinger," he said, "but you didn't honestly think the rest of Ferenginar would sit by while you cornered the market on profit, now did you?"
"I didn't know the Ferengi had a cavalry, Krell," I said, grinning with relief. For a moment there I hadn't been sure if the Ferengi were coming to stop Latinumfinger or join him!
"In for a slip, in for a bar, Captain," Krell grinned in reply. "Sorry for the messy departure a while back, but you guys didn't stand a chance. Latinumfinger's crews are linked together in a single Borg-like mind. They could respond to your every move, instantly. I discovered their sub-space communications carrier wave and am currently flooding it with useless information." He glanced down at a control panel and added, "Right now they're being treated to ten years worth of Teletubbies. I'd say that should just about even the odds."
"Teletubbies?" I asked, puzzled.
"Don't ask." Krell grimaced as he suppressed a shudder. "The horror ... the horror!"
That was great work, I thought. Now I had only one thing to worry about... the Moonphaser. No, make that two.
"Personal Log, Stardate 200007.04, James T. Bond reporting. I have a plan. The Moonphaser control room is too heavily guarded. But while I can't destroy the control room myself, the Alaric can. Conventional weapons -- phasers and photon torpedoes -- can't touch it... the room's protected by too much rock. But we should be able to beam a neutronic torpedo into the heart of this base, and that should be enough to destroy it. The only thing I need to do is deactivate the moon's defense system."
* * *
Guards were everywhere. They seemed confused and disoriented, but that lasted only a few minutes. Fortunately, I hadn't seen any more eagles. I could push my luck as a disguised Ferengi only so far. I wasn't authorized to enter Defense Control, but I knew of someone who could get in. I wrapped a holo-clip around a red imploder bomb, set the timer on the bomb, and added a floater pin to the concoction. The whole thing was disguised as a holo-pleasure girl. My walking time bomb was welcomed by the Ferengi with open arms. It was a matter of only minutes before Argentum was defenseless.
"Chief Engineer's Log, Stardate 200007.05, Commander Sheila Hand recording. We were unable to repair the electrofragmentizer due to the replicators being offline. Fortunately, Quartermaster Tech Shirley Heim had a solution. The ten meter quilt she has been putting together for the 693rd Annual Galactic Quilt Show is being woven from strands of jannimite and sillilium. The former acts as an effective sealant, and the latter is a good conductor. We've draped one end of the quilt around the electrofragmentizer, stopping the radiation leak, and attached the other end to the energizers. Our makeshift repair has not only saved the ship from an energizer implosion, but we've brought the quadruple shielding back online to boot!"
* * *
Lieutenant Heim looked up from her macrame project and said, "Another ten minutes and I'll have the controller cap finished." This wasn't a crucial piece, but I thought it was important to ensure the energizers' stability. She smiled at the guards, who stood by at either end of the quilt. I believe she was enjoying the attention!
Captain Self had warned me about the octotribble. I stationed armed guards at all of the air ducts, in what I hoped would not be a futile attempt to stop it. But it wasn't enough.
The attack happened quickly. Captain Self and her security team arrived at the same time the octotribble did. It burst through the duct grating and raced past the guards. They couldn't get off a shot. A couple of them tried tackling it but were flung against a bulkhead. It stopped for a second, homed in on the electrofragmentizer, then flung itself at our makeshift repair. It tore the quilt in two, thus sending Engineering into crisis mode once again.
Lieutenant Heim watched in horror as her handiwork was shredded. "That was eight months of hard work!," she screamed, lunging at the octotribble. Human and monster rolled on the floor, tentacles slapping at her body. But the creature was doomed. After a couple dozen seconds, it lay motionless on the deck, tentacles tied in knots, macramed to death.
Quartermaster Tech Heim rose slowly and stared with narrow eyes at the destroyer of her dream. "Never," she hissed at the lifeless creature, "mess with a quilter's handiwork!"
The doors to Engineering swooshed open. Ensign Cramden, cage in hand, trotted up to Captain Self. "Captain," he said, nodding to the animal in the cage, "you ordered a Model Two Glommer?"
Well, better late than never!
The Alaric's bridge viewscreen showed Commander Krell standing next to the odd-looking female wearing the glasses (and, thankfully, clothes!), who turned out to be a Ferengi Department of Trade commissioner named Ja-Net Reeno. She was busy reading Latinumfinger his rights under the DoT code of financial justice. It was fairly simple, really. You have the right to be arrested. You have the right to pay all related 'arrest fees'. You have the right to have all profits confiscated. If you cannot afford an attorney, too bad. That sort of thing. Of course, Latinumfinger wasn't going to surrender. Even though the Ferengi fleet vastly outnumbered his armada and Latinumfinger's ships were no longer coordinated or controlled by his collective consciousness, their Borg technology still posed a significant threat.
"Captain Heim," Osato told me, "Latinumfinger's ships are attacking the Ferengi fleet. The Ferengi are returning fire."
The battle was fierce, but I couldn't worry about that now. "Do we have the coordinates from agent Bond?"
"Yes, sir," Commander Bolick replied. "Programming them into the neutronic torpedo now. We'll be ready to transport in less than a minute."
"Fire when ready."
"Torpedo away."
We monitored the attack on the ship's main viewscreen. The torpedo was beamed into the heart of the Moonphaser base. There was an explosion, a massive one. The neutronic torpedo packed an awesome punch! The volcano erupted with a fountain of lava and fireworks. Nothing remained of the Moonphaser threat. But what about agent Bond? Did I snuff out the life of my best mathematician?
"Sir, scanners are picking up a small shuttle, flying erratically away from Argentum."
Could it be Bond? "Hail them."
"Personal Log, Stardate 200007.07, James T. Bond reporting. We've done it! Scanners show the Moonphaser base is destroyed and Latinumfinger's fleet is being mopped up. All I need to do now is program this shuttle to bring me home!"
* * *
"U.S.S. Alaric to unidentified shuttle," the com voice said. "Please identify yourself."
I reached for the com panel, but a woman's hand grabbed mine. "Who are you?!," I exclaimed.
"I'm Gina," she replied. From her demeanor and dress (or lack of dress), she obviously was one of Latinumfinger's women.
"What are you doing aboard my shuttle?"
"Well," Gina answered, "the real Bond always has the girl at the end of each film, doesn't he?"
She had a point. A really good point.
"This is Bond," I said to the com panel. "I'm coming home." I reached for the navigation controls, and she grabbed my arm again.
"Oh no you don't," she said. "This is no time to be rescued."
Another good point.
The universe was saved. And they played happily ever after.
Click Here to Return to Table of Contents
Hi, everyone! The first thing I'd like to do is apologize for the lateness of this issue of the Carolina Communicator. A lot has happened in the past few months, both in my life and in the club's "life". I've done a lot of traveling for work this year, more than I've ever done in a single year. In May and June, Shirley and I went to Australia, and XO Ian Johnsson was in charge of the club during my 6-week absence. In my opinion, Ian did an excellent job while I was gone! We went to DragonCon at the end of June, then I had another job-related trip to Logan, Utah in August. For more on these trips, check my Chief Science Officer report. Bottom line: I just didn't have the time to work on the CC during this time. For the last year and a half I've been asking for a volunteer to take over editing the CC. Well, it looks like that may finally be happening (see Ian's report). At the May 13 meeting, I appointed Dale Anderson as our Second Officer, and the Alaric Council approved the appointment by a vote of 7-0-0. I've asked Dale to head up the Alaric's involvement in the Vessel Readiness Certification Program. This is a good program, and I'd like everyone to give Dale their full support. Congratulations to Susan Bolick on successfully completing two Starfleet Academy courses in the College of Medicine! Susan now has her Certified Starfleet Nurse degree and Starfleet Medical Doctor degree. I'd also like to extend a tremendous thank you to David Moxley for fantastic services rendered as collection point for our aluminum recycling activity! This issue contains the concluding chapter of our James Bond / Star Trek spoof, The Universe Is Not Enough, which we started in earnest last issue. I hope you have as much fun reading it as we had writing it! The issue also has an editorial near the back. The deadline for the next issue is September 23, 2000, which is just a couple weeks away. That is short notice, so I expect the 0009 CC to be a lot shorter than this issue. But this should get the CC back on its normal publishing schedule. Please send your submissions to me at: AlaricRH@sprynet.com or by land mail to: Richard Heim, P.O. Box 2072, Asheville, NC 28802.
There are three club activities that I'd like to remind you of. (1) We support the local Eliada Childrens Home with Campbells food product labels. When they receive enough, Eliada is able to exchange these labels for much-needed supplies, such as a new van. (2) We recycle aluminum, both to help the environment and also as an important club fund-raiser. Please bring your aluminum cans to the club meetings, or drop them off at David's house. (3) We also auction collectibles via eBay as another club fund-raiser. That's all for this report. Live Long, and Prosper!
FCapt. Richard Heim Click Here to Return to Table of Contents
"So long, and thanks for all the latinum..." Commander Ian "Krell" Johnsson reporting... Every two months I sit down to write my XO report, and usually I have to rack my brains to come up with something interesting to talk about. After all, in the last year or so things aboard the Alaric have been moving rather slowly and interesting things to report are sometimes more rare than Ferengi generosity. But not this time; this month I have a truly epic event to report on. Effective as of the publication of this issue of the Carolina Communicator, I hereby resign my commission with Starfleet and return once more to civilian life. Why? There are a number of reasons, but this certainly wasn't a snap decision... it has been a while in coming. For a long time now I have often been unable to attend club meetings and functions due to my work schedule. Such duties are key to the XO position, and I feel that the Alaric deserves an officer who is more able to fulfill these obligations. For that reason even if I were not resigning from Fleet I would still step down from the command podium. But over the last few years I have also become more and more dissatisfied with the Starfleet organization in general. It doesn't seem to be going anywhere in particular, just spinning its wheels as it goes around and around in circles. Worse, much of the membership has become wrapped up in countless petty arguments: Members turning on each other over trivial concerns or insults either real or imagined; groups working at cross purposes; political maneuvering more appropriate to the Romulan Empire than the United Federation of Planets. I have watched a number of good people driven out of Starfleet, people tired of putting up with all the hassle for the sake of a fan club. I hasten to add that none of this applies to the crew of the USS Alaric. While I may be biased in this opinion, I think that the Alaric has been blessed with some of the best people to be found anywhere in Fleet and I've been proud to serve with you all. It's been a fun ride and I don't regret a moment of it. But don't think you're getting rid of me completely. Like a tarnished bar of gold-pressed latinum I'll keep popping up from time to time. Commander Krell may be gone, but Krell, Civilian Advisor will still be around. More on that later, for now just keep on showing the rest of Fleet what real Starfleet officers should be! Krell out... Click Here to Return to Table of Contents
I would like to report on a new program initiated by StarFleet, which caught my attention at the Region One Summit. It is called the Vessel Readiness Certification Program (VRCP). It is modeled after historical terrestrial naval traditions. In the ages before starships roamed space, the US Navy required that each department on each of its ships pass a series of tests or drills in order to be certified for sea duty. As Earth expanded its ventures into the heavens, it was ventured that starships, space stations, and other vessels passed inspections before it is put in service. Now, StarFleet embraces these traditions. Each department of every vessel (ship, space station, etc.) has the opportunity to be 'certified.' Ultimately, the entire vessel can earn its certification.
The July General Business Meeting of the USS Alaric was convened on 8 July 2000, at the south branch of the Asheville-Buncombe County Library. FCAPT Richard Heim, CO, presided and called the meeting to order at 1330 hrs. -Dale Click Here to Return to Table of Contents
http://home.sprynet.com/~ian/alaric/alaric.htm Chief Ian "Krell" Johnsson reporting... Assuming you've already read my XO report in this issue, you know that I am resigning from Starfleet and stepping down from my positions as First Officer as well as Chief of Computer Operations. Fortunately, due to my stunning efficiency as CompOps Chief the department can pretty much run itself for the time being. At least long enough for the Captain to find somebody else with the lobes to take my place. However I'm not letting you hu-mons off quite that easily. There's still plenty of profit to be made around here, that's why I have accepted Captain Heim's offer to remain on-board as a civilian consultant. I'll continue to oversee operations in the Down Under rec lounge, maintain and host the Alaric's web site, and of course I shall be happy to serve as general auctioneer for any eBay sales the crew wishes to conduct. I'm even toying with the idea of lending the Captain a hand with compiling the bi-monthly issues of the CC. Assuming of course that nobody else objects to a humble civilian handling such duties (be warned...anybody who does object automatically volunteers for the job themselves). So even though you may be seeing less of me in the future, never fear! I will still be around to exploit your vices and provide you with all of your recreational needs. For a price, of course! It's probably for the best anyway; after seeing how easily I was able to get around the Alaric's security systems (re: last issue's "The Universe is Not Enough" storyline) Starfleet would probably have demanded my resignation if I hadn't done so voluntarily. ;-) Click Here to Return to Table of Contents
This issue I have two (actually, three) special reports on travels I made this spring and summer. But first, I want to discuss some old news. As always, if you're interested in running an Alaric department, we have plenty of positions open to you. The following departments need chiefs: Communications, Flight Operations, Recreation/Entertainment, Recreation/Gaming, Recreation/Sports, Science/Fortean Research Dept., Planetary Sciences, Security, Starfleet Marines, and Weapons. Let me (since I'm CO as well as CSO) know which one(s) you want: by email, AlaricRH@sprynet.com, or regular mail, P.O. Box 2072, Asheville, NC 28802. Check the Alaric Handbook for requirements. Two important requirements are: you must be OTS-qualified, and you need to make regular reports.
http://alaricrh.home.sprynet.com/science/AlaricSci.htm And now, for those special reports.
AUSTRALIA -- THE LAND OF "OZ" In addition to being the fictional Science Officer aboard the Alaric, I'm a scientist (meteorologist/ climatologist) in "real life". This spring I had the opportunity to participate in a scientist exchange program between the U.S. and Australia. A scientist from Australia's Bureau of Meteorology came to the States in February and March, and I went to Oz from mid-May to the end of June. The Aussies refer to their country as the Land of Oz because, really, it is a magical place! It is an island continent situated in the Southern Hemisphere, between latitudes 10 and 45 S. Much of the interior of Australia is desert, but the southern, eastern, and western coasts have mild climates, and the northern coast is tropical savanna.Shirley and I spent six exciting weeks in and around Melbourne, in the state of Victoria, in southeast Australia. (Melbourne is at roughly the same latitude south as Richmond, Virginia is north.) We stayed in an apartment in South Yarra, a suburb of Melbourne. The city of 3 million is spread along the north end of a bay (Port Phillip), and enjoys pleasant weather. May and June are the Southern Hemisphere's winter. Temperatures while we were there ranged from upper 30's to 40's (Fahrenheit) for lows and 50's to 60's for highs. It rained about a third of the days we were there. I commuted via train (subway) from the apartment to the Bureau of Meteorology Research Center (BMRC) every day. A train station was located about half a mile from the apartment, and the BMRC building in downtown Melbourne was 3 blocks from the nearest downtown train station, so I got plenty of exercise. The work I did at BMRC involved analyzing daily temperature and precipitation data from several hundred stations around the world to determine trends over the last 50 years. The analyses built on work done by the Australian scientist who visited the States two months earlier. We computed about 44 indices from the daily data, with the focus being on changes in climate extremes. Another BMRC scientist had run a global climate model to compute historical daily data. Part of my job was to compute trends for the same 44 indices from this model daily data and compare them to the observed station trends. It was fun work, involving computer programming and writing reports. I also gave four seminars to the Bureau of Meteorology scientists. They covered the U.S. Climate Reference Network (of which I'm program manager), a temperature variability index we've developed, a history of 20th Century U.S. drought indices, and activities of the Climate Monitoring Branch where I work. While I was working, Shirley explored the craft shops and fabric stores of Melbourne. We did sightseeing together on the weekends. The first weekend there we visited Queen Victoria Market, a huge complex in downtown Melbourne where you can buy food, produce, clothes, fabric, and all sorts of merchandise.
The second weekend we took a tour bus to Phillip Island, sight of the world-famous Penguin Parade. A major weather system was moving over southeast Australia that weekend, bringing the coldest weather Melbourne had seen in two years, with over a meter (39 inches) of snow in the ski areas of the southeast mountains (Melbourne itself never gets snow). On the way to Phillip Island, we stopped at Warrook Cattle Ranch, where they raise, among other things, kangaroos. On the way back to the tour bus I noticed several people inside the fenced area. So I went through the gate and saw a worker handing out feed to us tourists. He gave me three pieces of feed, and I walked up to two small kangaroos and gave them each one piece. Then this huge (6 or 7 foot tall) kangaroo hopped over to me, looked right at me, and, I could tell in his eyes, demanded to be fed. He got the last piece! We also stopped at the Koala Conservation Centre and got to see some of those marsupials. The next weekend we rented a car and drove to Healesville Wildlife Sanctuary, which is a two-hour drive east of city center. Healesville has 200 species of Australian native wildlife. We were able to walk amongst kangaroo and cockatoos, emus and eagles, koala and birds of the bush. My favorite animal in the Sanctuary was the colorful musical lorikeet. On the way back to Melbourne, we spent a few minutes in Badger Weir Park. Australians use the metric system, so temperatures are in Celsius, weights in kilograms, distance in meters, and speed in kilometers per hour. They also drive on the left side of the road. I found the street signs to be interesting: keep left (not keep right), give way (instead of yield), and they have intersections called roundabouts. I was able to adapt to driving on the left side of the road far easier than I thought I would. The hardest part was the cars. The steering wheel is on the right side of the car. The controls are switched too: it took a few times before I turned on the turn signal (like I wanted) instead of the wipers! And keeping the car in between the lines of our lane was a challenge (because I was so used to lining up the car while sitting on the left side, not the right side). The next weekend we rented a car and drove a third of the way down the Great Ocean Road, along the coast west of Melbourne. We explored some shops, walked the beaches, visited a light house, and had lunch with a beautiful view of the southern ocean! On other days we toured Como House, the Royal Botanical Gardens, Rialto Towers, Melbourne Zoo, Polly Woodside Maritime Museum, Fitzroy Gardens, and Treasury Gardens. The John F. Kennedy memorial in the Treasury Gardens was especially touching. On the last weekend, we took a boat cruise down the Yarra River. All in all, I shot over 500 slides. We bought enough souvenirs, books, and fabric to fill 4 boxes, which we mailed to ourselves (each took 1 to 2 weeks to get to the States, and each cost around $80 - $120 {Australian dollars} to mail!). I can't end the report without saying something about Australian culture. The people of Australia are absolutely wonderful. They're laid back, friendly, pragmatic, practical. Such a pleasant contrast to the hustle-bustle rush and political / cultural extremism of the U.S. We would love to go back ... for a visit, maybe even retire there! We didn't get back to the States until June 27. This makes 2000 a unique year for us. Assuming we're in the Northern Hemisphere all of December, 2000 will be the year with no summer solstice (since we'll have experienced winter on both solstices)! The 15-hour flight from LAX to Melbourne (14-hour flight from Melbourne to LAX) was a grind, but it was fascinating being able to follow on the plane's movie screens where we were over the Pacific via GPS feeds.
DRAGONCON We left Australia on Tuesday, June 27. We had gotten out of bed at 3:30 a.m. Melbourne time, which was 1:30 p.m. Monday Asheville time. We gained a day when we crossed the international dateline, so our plane arrived in Greenville late Tuesday night. After the drive back to Asheville, we didn't get to bed until about 1:30 a.m. Wednesday, making the return trip a loooooong 36 hours without significant sleep! We had Wednesday to take care of appointments, check mail, pay bills, etc., because Thursday we drove down to Atlanta for our first DragonCon (the Starfleet IC held opposite DragonCon a few years ago doesn't count).It was a fantastic convention! There were a couple dozen concurrent programming tracks, including Star Trek, B5, Star Wars, Buffy, Hercules, X-Files, Tolkien, PERN, comix, writers, artists, filking, gaming, space/science programming, British SF, videos, autographs, and more. I especially liked the writers panels, the Girlie Freak Show, the web cam girls panel, Miss Klingon Empire Beauty Contest, and the first look at Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda upcoming tv series. The dealers room was great! The costumes were good, but I was disappointed that there were no parties. There is a group working to bring JMS's tv show, Crusade, back to tv with new episodes. They believe it's possible now. Check out their web page for more info: http://www.astro.umd.edu/~fleming/ Based on executive producer Robert Hewitt Wolfe's first glimpse at Tribune Entertainment's new tv show, Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda (starring Kevin Sorbo), it sounds really good! Check out their web page for more info: http://www.andromedatv.com/. Based on reports from Lee Whiteside, Andromeda should debut in syndication the week of October 2. Thursday night, as Shirley and I left our hotel on our way to the convention hotel, we bumped into Robert O'Reilly. It turns out he had a room in our hotel. I was so out of it from jet lag at the time, that it didn't hit me until later that we actually discussed Australia with ST's Gowron! Later I got Gowron's autograph, along with the autographs of Martok (J.G. Hertzler), Apollo (Michael Forest), Leeta (Chase Masterson), and Morn (Mark Allen Shepherd), and Shirley got me G'Kar's (Andreas Katsulas) autograph! It wasn't until sometime that Saturday evening when I hit my stride, finally recovered from jet lag.
ON TO UTAH! I spent the second week of August on a work-related trip to Logan, Utah. I flew out on Saturday, August 5, and got back the following Thursday. From Sunday night through Wednesday, it was non-stop meetings at the American Association of State Climatologists annual meeeting, followed by meetings with the Regional Climate Center (RCC) directors. We discussed a variety of things, including climate services, climate research, and reports by the state climatologists, RCC's, National Weather Service, and other climate-related organizations. I gave two talks, one about the Climate Reference Network and the other about drought monitoring activities of the National Climatic Data Center's Climate Monitoring Branch. I also participated in a drought panel and was interviewed by a local tv reporter on the history of national droughts during the 20th Century.That Sunday afternoon, I explored the local geography with a colleague. We drove up Logan Canyon Road, hiked a forest trail, and explored Bear Lake. The climate in northeast Utah is dry. The mountains are forested, but little grows naturally in the valleys. Another colleague described Bear Lake's size, shape, clear blue water, topography and lack of vegetation around it as very similar to the Sea of Galilee. It is very beautiful.
RDC REGION ONE SCIENCES NEWS My travels this year have impacted my Region One Sciences duties as well as my Alaric CO duties. Fortunately, my Assistant RDC, David Klingman, effectively ran the department in my absence.There are two important developments in Region One Sciences that I need to report. First is the resignation of my ARDC. For details regarding David's resignation, check my editorial at the end of this issue. I'm now searching for a new ARDC. Soon I will be announcing application details. The second development has to deal with the newsletter. I did not get any applications for the Region One Science Newsletter Editor position. I will have to solicit applicants again, as I cannot continue to edit the R/1 Sciences newsletter as I have in the past. In short, I need help! The June issue of the newsletter hasn't been published yet, and since we're so close to the September issue, I've decided to combine the June and September issues into a double issue this year. Deadline for submissions to the R/1 Sciences newsletter is September 23, which is the same deadline as for the CC.
http://alaricrh.home.sprynet.com/science/R1Science.htm
Click Here to Return to Table of Contents
The Social Science Department has volunteered to coordinate the Alaric’s effort in the ‘Campbell’s Label for Education Program’, for the Eliada Home For Children. This will be a contributive effort to aid Mark Gassman until he can resume his duties on the Alaric. Our best wishes to him until he can make a quick return! I have received updated material from Eliada’s volunteer coordinator. I’m reviewing the material and will be bring the crew up to date on how we can continue to make a positive contribution to Eliada. In brief, labels from Campbell soup cans and related products are invaluable! Labels and/or UPC codes from some affiliated products, such as Swans, Classic, and Franco-American, can also be saved and used. Stay tuned for forthcoming info!
A SOCIAL OVERVIEW OF ESPIONAGE I find the whole issue of Latinumfinger as intriguing. He is sly and cunning -- a worthy character study for the crew of the Alaric. I know that intelligence is a necessary function of our society. Yet, as we consider the role of Latinumfinger, I feel we should look at intelligence and espionage in a social and historical perspective. I have collected some material that can serve as an overview of intelligence/espionage. I will use some 20th Century material and resources from the data banks of Old Earth, in Sector 001, as a basis; that is, prior to the establishment of the United Federation of Planets (i.e., the Encyclopedia Britannica CD [2000 Deluxe Edition]).The Nature Of Intelligence By definition, intelligence in contemporary operations evaluates information concerning such things as the strength, activities, and probable courses of action of other peoples and planets who are usually, but not necessarily, opponents. In a world of sovereign peoples in Old Earth, information is a prime element of national power, and intelligence is the vital and often pivotal foundation for national decisions. In Old Earth in the 20th Century and in the former nation-state of the United States of America on the North American Continent, the nature of intelligence was illustrated by a US presidential order (Executive Order No. 12333) of December 4, 1981, which directed the national intelligence system to "Provide the President . . . with the necessary information on which to base decisions concerning the conduct and development of foreign, defense and economic policy, and the protection of United States national interests from foreign security threats." The order directed that "all means" consistent with the law and rights of individuals "be used to develop intelligence information for the President" and specified that "emphasis should be given to detecting and countering espionage and other threats . . . by foreign intelligence services against the United States government." These official words define the functions of intelligence and counterintelligence, but they omit a third and most controversial role of intelligence agencies, that of intervening secretly in the political or economic affairs of other nations, an activity commonly referred to as covert action. Intelligence, counterintelligence, and covert action denote a wide variety of governmental activities related to national security and defense and foreign policy. A statesman's day often begins and ends with the reading of intelligence reports. Accurate information is essential to, but does not guarantee, optimal decisions, while inadequate information has demonstrably led to disaster. The need for information must be recognized, and it must be collected efficiently, interpreted with sophistication, communicated with speed to precisely where it is most needed, and acted on with skill and courage. The various categories of intelligence are potentially endless. The armed services need military intelligence, a space or Earth satellite program needs scientific information, a foreign office needs political or biographical information, and a premier or president needs an amalgam of these and many more. Consequently, intelligence activity has become a vast international industry, most of which goes forward in secrecy. On Old Earth Date 2000, total US (a former terrestrial nation-state) governmental expenditures on intelligence in the mid-1980s, for example, were estimated at around $12,000,000,000 (precise figures are secret). Employed in this work were perhaps 200,000 persons in the United States and many thousands more overseas. The intelligence activities of the Soviet Union were likely of greater dimensions, and all major nations maintain large intelligence bureaucracies. A Brief History Of Intelligence Activities On Old Earth
The earliest counterparts of the modern intelligence agency were perhaps the ancient soothsayers, such as the Delphic oracle, who claimed to be able to communicate with the gods and therefore often were said to have the power of predicting the future. As in modern times, their reports were often ambiguous and often ignored by the decision makers. The Bible reports God's advice to Moses (Num. 13) that he send agents to "spy out the land of Canaan." Twelve agents were sent who returned after 40 days to report that the people in the land flowing with milk and honey were more powerful than the Israelites--for which intelligence they were punished by God. Another ancient commentator on intelligence and counterintelligence was Sun-tzu, whose Ping-fa (The Art of War), written about 400 BC, is said to be widely read by contemporary Chinese Communist strategists. Sun-tzu refers in his book to five kinds of secret agents, corresponding to modern concepts of agents in place, double agents, deception agents, expendable agents, and penetration agents. Sun-tzu stressed the importance of good intelligence organization, and he also wrote of counterintelligence and psychological warfare. In the Middle Ages intelligence began to be used systematically in western Europe, although it was crudely organized. On the one hand, it was usually impossible to conceal the massing of troops or ships, making strategic surprise difficult to achieve in military operations; on the other hand, communication was slow, and thus a fine balance often existed between the information available and the ability to communicate it in time. In the 15th Century the Italian city-states began to establish permanent embassies in foreign capitals. The Venetians used such outposts as intelligence sources and even developed codes and ciphers by which information could be secretly communicated. By the 16th Century other European governments had followed suit.
The rise of nationalism, punctuated by the Peace of Westphalia in 1648, saw the growth of standing armies and professional diplomats. These brought a need on the part of statesmen for evaluated foreign information, and so organizations and procedures for its procurement were developed. Queen Elizabeth I maintained a notable intelligence organization. Her principal state secretary, Sir Francis Walsingham, developed a network of several score intelligence agents in foreign lands. He recruited graduates of Oxford and Cambridge, developed the black arts of espionage and foreign political intrigue, and created tools and techniques for making and breaking codes. Later the cardinal de Richelieu and Oliver Cromwell, whose intelligence chief, John Thurloe, is often cited as an early master spy, developed notable intelligence systems Not until the late 18th Century, however, did sharp organizational distinctions arise between internal security (a counterintelligence function) and external foreign intelligence. The populace began to give its allegiance to the state rather than to dynasties or religious leaders. As a result, national leaders concerned themselves increasingly with foreign public opinions, producing both a new diplomacy and new intelligence needs. Major innovations in organization and doctrine have been credited to Frederick the Great. Under Frederick, and later under Bismarck's aide Wilhelm Stieber, the Prussians organized the intelligence function as an integral part of the general staff. This called for a single military intelligence agency to serve as the nation's eyes on the outside world. Under Stieber perhaps the first large-scale espionage system emerged.
European power politics, the pursuit of imperialist foreign policies, and advances in military and communications technology required an increasing amount of strategic intelligence. Intelligence bureaus spread throughout Europe, producing a corresponding growth in counterintelligence. Nevertheless, most European nations entered World War I with inadequate intelligence services. That war is now often cited as one that none of the combatant nations intended, suggesting in itself a tragic intelligence failure. The French intelligence service had been torn by internal intrigue, after having already been weakened by the Dreyfus affair, and other services had been shaken by scandals. Miscalculation of German military strength in 1914 was a prime example of intelligence failure. German intelligence had also deteriorated. The German General Staff of 1914 evidently placed little faith in the information supplied to it. For the Germans, policy seemed to dominate intelligence. The Russians had great initial success against the Austrians because of the treason of an Austrian general staff officer, but subsequently Russian intelligence performed no better than that of other nations in World War I. The British were successful in breaking German naval codes and in their Middle Eastern intelligence operations. The Germans carried on successful activities in Persia and scored limited espionage successes in the United States. The United States had no central intelligence. At the beginning of the war, army intelligence was a small section within the general staff, comprising two officers and two clerks; by the war's end, this service had grown to 1,200 officers and civilians. Patently, most were amateurs. Navy intelligence was equally deficient. The intelligence lessons of World War I, along with advances in technology, especially electronics and aircraft, resulted in a proliferation of intelligence agencies in the 1920s and '30s. The growth of such agencies was further stimulated by the advent of regimes with expansionist foreign policies in the old nation-states of the USSR, Italy, Germany, and Japan. These produced, in reaction, counterintelligence organizations in the democracies. World War II led to the creation and expansion of intelligence services everywhere. The nation-state of the United States, which had virtually no peacetime intelligence services, created its first full-fledged organization for intelligence and secret operations, the Office of Strategic Services (OSS). The war imposed intelligence requirements never before faced by the major warring powers. This was primarily the result of accelerating technology. Air warfare in particular required vast new offensive and defensive intelligence operations, and the growth of radio broadcasting produced a new art of psychological warfare that demanded intelligence services for the analysis of its effects. Even with all the new developments, intelligence forecasting remained a precarious trade. The Pearl Harbor attack in December 1941, the Battle of the Bulge in 1944, the unexpected German resilience under Allied bombing attacks--in these and other instances the decision makers failed to profit from their elaborate intelligence networks. However, there was one area of enormous profit. Perhaps the most significant intelligence exploit of all times was the Ultra secret--in which the British, with prior help from the Poles and the French and possessing a German Enigma encoding machine, broke the German military code and read most of the signals between Hitler and his field commanders throughout the war. Put simply, the Ultra operation involved intercepting German signals that had been mechanically enciphered by an Enigma machine, decoding the messages that the German high command assumed were impenetrable, and distributing the information secretly to appropriate headquarters. In essence, throughout much of the war, the Allied side was reading the mind of the Axis command. As the war progressed, Hitler's increasingly centralized control of operations on all fronts made German military operations especially vulnerable. On those occasions when the Allies were caught by surprise, such as the American defeat at Kasserine Pass, the Allied defeat at Arnhem, and the Battle of the Bulge, either the Germans had used land lines for communication, or Ultra intercepts had been misused. World War II was followed by the Cold War, in which the intelligence organizations of opposing blocs became combatants. In every major nation huge new bureaucracies were created. Usually these consisted of interlocking and often competitive secret agencies, vying for new assignments and sometimes withholding information from each other. The world soon became familiar with the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) of the United States. Somewhat less well known were Great Britain's MI-5 and MI-6, the KGB and the GRU of the former Soviet Union, the SDECE of France, China's Social Affairs Department, and the Mossad of Israel. At the same time, the exploits of spies and counterspies became a subject for mass media fiction. Books, movies, and television moved the spy to center stage (e.g., James Bond), sometimes in a comic but often in a deadly serious role. All of this tended to glamorize what is most often a painstakingly tedious, or even at times a disgustingly immoral and distasteful, occupation. StarFleet Policy Considerations Since World War II on Old Earth, intelligence has come to constitute one of the universe's largest industries, employing hundreds of thousands of professionals. Annual expenditures for governmental and nongovernmental intelligence run into the billions of Federation Dollars. Under contemporary political and technological conditions, intelligence systems are likely to grow in size and scope. They have already taken on assignments that go beyond their informational and security functions, such as secret political and paramilitary operations. Activities such as these will probably continue, since they are preferable to overt warfare between the major powers in this sector. Among the superpowers, intelligence services have probably outgrown their optimal size. Secret bureaucracies tend to grow beyond the point of efficiency, especially when they can argue that the fate of the nation depends on their budgetary health. There is also the problem of control. In some respects this is similar to the problem of civil-military relations, aggravated by the secrecy factor. To put the matter simply: knowledge is power, and secret knowledge is secret power. Historically, secret services have often been vehicles of conspiracy and political intrigue. Control is difficult to apply, in both democracies and authoritarian systems, because a secret service can logically demand secrecy for its operations. In an age of accelerating technology, it seems quite likely that the power of intelligence systems will grow vis-à-vis political authority. Chancellors, presidents, prime ministers, to avoid becoming prisoners of their intelligence systems, will have to be alert to the need for effective policy controls. * Reference material --- Copyrighted by Encyclopedia Britannica, Inc 1994-2000. Click Here to Return to Table of Contents
Stardate:0007.25 -- The Chief Engineer has been quite busy lately. I have been on two away team missions since my last report.
The first trip was to Dragon Con in Atlanta, GA on Stardates 0006.29 through 0007.03. Dragon Con provided plenty of opportunities for fun and learning. Yes, it is possible to learn, even at a convention like Dragon Con. One of the first things I and Petty Officer Hand learned by going to Atlanta involved the accommodations we had obtained. I most definitely do not recommend staying at the Ramada Inn on John W. Dobbs Street in Atlanta. We discovered several problems during our stay there. These problems are detailed below: 1) Parking. The hotel parking for check-in was nonexistent. To check-in you parked anywhere you could, and prayed no one hit your car. Due to this hazard, we decided to find a more secure parking space before unloading. Then we discovered the hotel parking building was almost full. This required us to park on the 7th level of the building. After loading our arms and hands with luggage we found out the parking building had no turbolifts. There was also only one entrance back into the hotel (of course that was back on the ground floor). Hauling our luggage down 7 flights of narrow stairs to get to the main entrance was not fun :( Neither was climbing back up the stairs for the next load. Needless to say, I was not very happy with the engineering of the parking building. 2) Plumbing. The toilet in our room did not work properly. We notified Maintenance not once but twice. The problem was never fixed. 3) Hotel elevators. The hotel elevators were very, very slow. One of them kept getting stuck at times. This same elevator even when working properly would always shake and jerk near the Mezzanine level. This did not make me very comfortable using the elevators 4) Phones. Most of the day Saturday, the hotel phones were dead. 5) Check-out. Check-out was supposed to be by 11:00 AM on Sunday. We were in line to check out by 10:30 AM. Due to one Cashier doing check-out, it was after 12:00 PM before we left the hotel to return to the convention. This was by far the worst hotel for its price range, that I have ever stayed in. I do not recommend this hotel to anyone. We are planning to stay at either the Hyatt or the Marriott next year. In spite of the hotel problems, Dragon Con was wonderful! From the minute we boarded the Dragon Con shuttle at our hotel, we found helpful/friendly people. In fact, two people on the shuttle bus, told us how to find registration once we reached the Hyatt. After finding Dragon Con registration, and receiving our information packet, we checked our schedule of events. Since we didn't find anything we wanted to attend until 7:00 PM. We went exploring, and looking for people we knew and I began to introduce Petty Officer Hand to Convention life. This was to be the beginning of a busy weekend of attending panels, events, seminars, and shopping. In other words, we very quickly started having fun at the convention. ;) The first event we attended was a reading of a new short story by Ann C. Crispin in the TrekTrak room. We both thoroughly enjoyed the reading since we have read a lot of Ann C. Crispin's work! After her reading was concluded we realized we were hungry, so off we went to sample the local cuisine. We found a well stocked food bar in the main Hyatt lobby, and replenished our energy reserves. Then it was back downstairs to another event. This time we attended the Special Edition showing of the "Return of the Jedi" in the Star Wars room. Following the movie, we stayed in that room for a Laser light show with accompanying Star Wars music. We were amazed and contented to watch a Modern Fireworks show (lasers) in honor of the upcoming Fourth Of July! By this time, we realized we had been up and going for over 25 hours since we had both worked the night before, and had not slept at all Friday. Therefore, we decided to catch the shuttle, and go back to our hotel until morning. It was a very interesting first day in Atlanta! I was pleased to discover my husband was enjoying his first convention! After breakfast Saturday morning, we went back to the Hyatt. We had decided earlier that for the first session of the day we would split up. Hollis wanted to attend a seminar titled "Hobbits vs. Dragons: Creating New Ideas In Fantasy" while I wanted to go to the Star Wars Auction. I was successful in winning some comic books and trading cards at the auction. When Hollis joined me at the next session he said that I probably had more fun at the auction than he did in his seminar. The next session may have been a little boring to him but to me it was highly interesting. This session was named "A Miracle Occurs Here" and it was highly appropriate for the Chief Engineer to be in attendance. The topic of this seminar was the NASA space program of the future. How is interstellar space travel going to be accomplished by our space program in the near future? was the question being discussed. A NASA Engineer and a Boeing Engineer led the discussion. They mentioned several interstellar propulsion systems currently being developed and the problems that would have to be overcome. The name of the seminar was appropriate since for each scenario given at least one miracle will need to occur. These are the systems I remember from the seminar (I forgot to bring anything to take notes): 1) Solar sails. It might be possible to power a probe ship using solar panels to convert the sun's rays. Problem: How to receive power once outside the solar system? Could a laser system be powerful enough to use as backup? 2) Antimatter/Matter reaction. Antimatter/Matter reaction is a possibility. Problem: Antimatter can only be created in minute amounts. It would take a tremendous amount of time with today's technology to gather enough antimatter to power a small probe ship into interstellar space. Money is also a problem with this one. 3) Magnetic resonance from stars: This is a theory that is also currently being researched. Problem: Current technology makes this difficult and expensive. This is all I can remember of the discussion. There were some other ideas, and possibilities. There could be some website links at NASA with more information. It sounds as if NASA needs some sci-fi fans who are also engineers or scientists to help find the miracles needed for interstellar space travel. :) We decided to take a Short break for Lunch/Shopping at this point (we went to the Dealer's Room briefly). In the process, I located and visited with two more friends from home. Then we went to listen to Walter Koenig. We arrived early to find a seat (good thing, the room was packed) and we found Shirley Heim already there. I was happy to start seeing a few familiar faces in the crowd. This was Hollis' first time hearing Walter Koenig. I had been to a convention with Walter Koenig several years back. However, we both enjoyed listening to him answer questions from the audience, and watching his reactions to the questions. It was very entertaining, and enlightening! By this time, it was nearing 4:00 PM, so we decided to go back to our hotel to rest and relax a little. I also wanted to get into my Starfleet Dress Uniform before Trek Happy Hour, and the Costume Contest. We did not reappear at the Hyatt until after 6:00 PM. I was soon receiving some attention and requests for pictures due to being in uniform (the Star Trek 2-6 movie uniform was unusual this year). Hollis seemed surprised by this, but of course I am used to it and love it. The rest of the night was spent introducing Hollis to Romulan Ale, and other drinks at Happy Hour (don't worry I didn't disobey regulations), and then going to the Costume Contest. Sunday at Dragon Con (after finally getting checked out) was shopping day at the Dealer's Room. I finally found a communicator to go with my uniform. Then we headed back north to Asheville. Hollis must have liked his first convention, because we are planning to go back next year.
The second trip occurred on the same day as our last meeting, Stardate 0007.08. On this date, I attended the Highland Games at Grandfather Mountain. The Highland Games are quite interesting and entertaining, especially if you are at least part Scottish. I know that parts of my family are from Scotland especially the Thomas'. I found out, this year, that Thomas is part of the MacThomas clan. I also found out the MacThomas tartan is blue and green with red and purple stripes. The crest is of a cat. Since my favorite color is blue, and I love cats it seems appropriate that I should be part of the MacThomas clan. I also enjoy bagpipe music, and of course, there are bagpipe bands everywhere at the Games. There is also a small amount of engineering/physics present if you pay attention to the track and field events. Pole vaulting obviously is physics. But there is another event that is of Scottish origin that also involves physics/engineering. This event is called Turning the Caber. The idea is to control, maneuver, and heave a long, heavy pole (looks like a telephone pole) in such a way that it completely turns in the air before landing back on the ground. This event as you can imagine requires a lot of strength, as well as some engineering. I certainly would not ever attempt such a feat but it is interesting to watch big, strong, hefty men do it. In addition to the Track and Field events, bagpiping, and clans, there is also plenty of Scottish food, dancing, music (besides pipes), and of course Scottish style retail goods (clothing, mugs, scarves, ties, etc.). I enjoyed going to the Games, and learning a few things about my family history.
The Department has also been completing last minute preparations (simulations) and adjustments to equipment for our upcoming mission.
I am also planning to go to another convention in Durham, NC on Stardates 0009.08 through 0009.10. Leonard Nimoy, as well as other Star Trek/Star Wars guests will be there. As you can tell, I have been very busy but have also been having fun! I am currently taking a travel break to recover from all the places I have been this year. :) Click Here to Return to Table of Contents
News from the Alaric sickbay... I'm more or less reporting on a regular basis to Region One Medical RDC Charles Via. Also, I sent in an article to the R1 Sciences list and nl last week that I thought would be of interest to folks in sciences in general. The last thing to report is that I have just sent in my Basic Doctorate Exam to SACOM and plan on taking more of their courses soon. Click Here to Return to Table of Contents
LIVING IN HARMONY WITHIN STARFLEET
There have been some important developments this summer that have affected me, this club, and you. I want to take some time to talk about them. Specifically, I want to discuss two editorials which appeared in STARFLEET communications channels, and the frustrations of two people whom I consider to be close friends.
In May, an OpEd piece was posted to the Region One listserver. There were several good points made in that email, and I'd like to quote from it. The editorial said that there are people within STARFLEET who would publicly berate fellow members "for something as trivial as what type of Star Trek Uniform that person wore to an event. ... These folks are tolerated because there are others who give them the moral support they need to keep up their little reigns of terror and little fiefdoms of 'power'."
I agree with this person's next point. "It's time that we as an organization stop accepting such behavior. It's time that we stand up as an organization and say 'No more' and work from within to turn around the negative attitudes that some folks choose to display, for whatever the reason. It's time that we stand up as an organization and say 'No more' to those that will treat folks badly because of differences of opinion, as well as those who would support such action."
These are good words. It's hard to argue against them.
"It's time to stop tolerating the hate and animosity that some folks seem to want to generate in this organization. It's time we stop allowing good, hard-working folks to be driven away by hate and animosity." This part hit home especially hard, because I have lost good hard-working crew members due to hate and animosity.
The editorial writer said: "It's time that some folks *stop* the hatred and animosity, *start* becoming more tolerant of their fellow members, and *start* to 'agree to disagree' if necessary. We all 'talk the talk' about following 'Gene's Dream' and supporting STARFLEET because of what we can do and be if we put our minds to it. It's time for some to start to 'walk the walk' that others of us are already walking."
The editorial railed against those who publicly berate fellow members. It put them on notice. "You are being watched," the editorial implied. "Your behavior will not be tolerated."
That's good, up to a point. My question is: who's watching these watchers? Let me put it simply. Using one's soapbox to exhort fellow members to be intolerant of abuse and cruelty is good. But, in the next breath, turning around and privately crucifying fellow members is itself cruel, mean, and abusive behavior. This is bad. It is the epitome of hypocrisy.
I have been victimized by STARFLEET members in high office who publicly exhort the membership to "walk the good walk", yet privately berate good hard-working members, even stooping to name-calling, subjecting them to "cruel, mean, and abusive" treatment, and implying that they are not wanted in STARFLEET. I haven't been subjected to this kind of abuse myself (at least not yet), but, as I said, I have been victimized by it, not once, but twice: my XO is leaving the Alaric and STARFLEET based partly on this kind of treatment from a high STARFLEET official. I have been blessed with good XO's in my five and a half years as the USS Alaric's CO. Ian was one of the best. He has been dedicated and hard working, and will let you know what he thinks. Ian, you will be missed.
The second editorial appeared in the June/July issue of the Starfleet Communique. The writer said, "When I was growing up, my parents taught me an important lesson: something you believe in, something you enjoy is worth fighting for." I can't argue with that.
"The time of running from our problems in STARFLEET is long gone. It is time for us, as the members of STARFLEET, to take a stand that this organization belongs to all of us and she is worth defending. If you feel things are going wrong, be a voice calling for change. When you can speak out, do so. When an issue arises, and your opinion is asked, give it." These are good words, and I agree with them. This is why I'm speaking out now.
The writer concluded with, "We talk the talk of IDIC, folks. It's time to walk the walk. Think about it."
I have thought about it. Yes, fight to preserve the good things in STARFLEET. Be a voice for change. Do it with firmness, but also with consideration, compassion, and understanding. Don't become incisive, corrosive, and abusive. Don't fall into the trap of McCarthyism. In your zeal to right a wrong, don't become part of the problem yourself. I have seen this happen. I am seeing it happen now in STARFLEET. I have seen folks publicly talk about "walking the walk", yet in their zeal to right a wrong they stumble and become part of the problem themselves. This behavior cannot and must not be tolerated.
This brings me to the second example. I said earlier that I have been victimized by this twice. In addition to being the CO of the Alaric, I'm also Region One Division Chief of Sciences. My Assistant RDC has resigned because of unkind treatment on the part of those in authority. In his own words: "Recently I have been involved in conversations with various people and have discovered that the leadership, from EC to AB and even further down in some cases, is composed of individuals with private agendas who tend to strike at people for offering differing opinions and for making attempts to improve matters through official channels." Sound familiar? He described STARFLEET as "an organization that is frequently abusive, highly critical, quick to reward those people who behave badly and don't even apologize, and don't even praise or at least thank those folks that work hard (volunteer, of course)." David's enthusiasm and hard work as my ARDC were a tremendous benefit to R/1 Sciences and to Region One in general. David, your help (in an official capacity) will be greatly missed.
It doesn't matter who we are or what position we hold. Whether the "pips and ranks" stay on or they come off, we are still members of STARFLEET. We are still accountable for our actions, whether we speak as an officeholder or as "Joe Member". We are still accountable for our actions and our words, whether we are speaking in a public forum or in private email.
Let's leave the hostility at home, folks. Bring back civility to STARFLEET. Especially, especially, don't speak of building up STARFLEET when your actions and words betray a destructive bent.
FCapt. Richard Heim
Click Here to Return to Table of Contents
Free counters provided by Honesty.com.
to the Alaric's web site by the CompOps Department.
|